31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

Stewie Griffin is a popular character from the super hit animation series, ‘Family Guy’. The baby of the Griffin family enjoys dark humor and witty sayings. Stewie is known for being totally different from sweet and innocent babies in real life. This animated character has violent thoughts and pictures raging through his tiny head. Stewie is also clued up to contemporary culture. For example, in one memorable quote, he talks about becoming a child star, and moving to California.

The best part of Stewie Griffin quotes is, how easily they bring complex words into a one year old’s vocabulary. Stewie Griffin can gravely talk about rigor mortis, or shower his mother with wildly colorful phrases. Cursing his mother is one of Stewie’s favorite hobbies. In a scandalous quote, he curses his mother for thwarting him, ever since he got out of her womb. At the same time, Stewie displays totally baby like antics, such as peeing in his pants or crying to his mom to change his diaper. This bundle of quick and sinister energy, simply loves shocking viewers, with statements about God being deliciously evil. Here is a look at some popular Stewie Griffin quotes.

If you like this article, you might be interested in some of our other articles on Inspirational Graduation Quotes, Quotes About Being Beautiful, Good Love Quotes and Live Laugh Love Quotes.

vile woman 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“Damn you, vile woman! You’ve impeded my work since the day I escaped from your wretched womb.” – Stewie Griffin

police officer 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“[In car with Brian, says to police officer] We met on the Internet. He lured me into the car with promises of candy and funny stories.” – Stewie Griffin

deliciously evil 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“I love God. He’s so deliciously evil.” – Stewie Griffin

tension between 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“There’s always been a lot of tension between Lois and me. And it’s not so much that I want to kill her, it’s just, I want her not to be alive anymore.” – Stewie Griffin

wrangle me 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“By all means, turn me into a child star. Perhaps I can move to Californ-i-ay and wrangle me a three-way with the Olsen twins.” – Stewie Griffin

watching cheerleaders 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“[Watching cheerleaders changing in a locker room] It appears my wee-wee’s been stricken with rigor-mortis.” – Stewie Griffin

exposed clitorati 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“Do the women there have exposed clitorati?” – Stewie Griffin

my diaper 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“Hello, mother. I come bearing a gift. I’ll give you a hint. It’s in my diaper and it’s not a toaster.” – Stewie Griffin

child star 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“By all means, turn me into a child star. Perhaps I can move to Californ-i-ay and wrangle me a three-way with the Olsen twins.” – Stewie Griffin

shake me 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“For the love of God, shake me! Shake me like a British nanny!” – Stewie Griffin

toilet paper 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“Stewie Griffin [picking a booger]: Does this not disgust you? Brian Griffin: Kid, you’re talkin’ to a guy who uses his tongue for toilet paper.” – Stewie Griffin

death shall 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“When the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless.” – Stewie Griffin

stewie griffin quote 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“Lois Griffin: Stewie why don’t you play in the other room? Stewie Griffin: Why don’t you burn in hell?” – Stewie Griffin

read things 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“Lois Griffin [finding note in Chris's pocket]: Huh, what’s this? You know Stewie, Mommy doesn’t usually read things out of Chris’s pocket. She’s more respectful than that. Stewie Griffin: Whatever helps you sleep at night, bitch.” – Stewie Griffin

big chocolate 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“Hmm, time for dessert. Let’s see – big chocolate cake for Stewie, [holds up a leaf to Chris] and something very tasty for big, fat you.” – Stewie Griffin

ankles behind 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“Lois Griffin: Oh, I haven’t been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different. Stewie Griffin: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankles behind your ears that would ring a few bells.” – Stewie Griffin

entire day 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“Am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own feces? A little service here!” – Stewie Griffin

banana pudding 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“You know, mother, this could almost have passed for a palatable banana pudding, but without Nilla wafers it’s just another one of your wretched culinary abortions. Now clean it up!” – Stewie Griffin

wall street journal 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“You. Fetch me my copy of the Wall Street Journal. You two, fight to the death.” – Stewie Griffin

be fattening 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“Stewie: Ha ha. Oh, this is so good it just HAS to be fattening.” – Stewie Griffin

thumping good read 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“Stewie Griffin [reading the Bible]: My my, what a thumping good read. Lions eating Christians, people nailing each other to two-by-fours. I’ll say, you won’t find that in Winnie the Pooh. Chris Griffin: Please, don’t say pooh.” – Stewie Griffin

baby powder 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“[While Peter is changing Stewie] Stewie: No, you idiot. That’s not baby powder, that’s paprika. Ahhhh! Take that.” – Stewie Griffin

white trash 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“Oh I feel so delightfully white trash. Mommy, I want a mullet.” – Stewie Griffin

anorexic babies 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“Stewie: Oh, forgive me for not being one of those anorexic babies from the diaper commercials.” – Stewie Griffin

very theatrical 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“You know, I rather like this God fellow. Very theatrical, you know. Pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence… gotta get me some of that.” – Stewie Griffin

airplane style 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“Stewie: [After Lois tries to feed Stewie his broccoli "airplane style"] Damn you, Damn the Broccoli, and Damn the Wright Brothers.” – Stewie Griffin

few sprinkles 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“Forecast for tomorrow; a few sprinkles of genius with a chance of doom!” – Stewie Griffin

forge my name 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“Stewie: Did you forge my name? How dare you! Is this backwards “S” supposed to be cute? I’m going to crap double for you tonight.” – Stewie Griffin

these huggies 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“Do these huggies make my ass look big?” – Stewie Griffin

active grenades 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“Stewie: Isn’t it funny how they say “life is like a box of chocolates”? Well in your case, dear mother, life is like a box of active grenades!” – Stewie Griffin

disobey me 31 Funny Stewie Griffin Quotes

“Come, ice cream. Come to my mouth. How dare you disobey me!” – Stewie Griffin

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